Dating. Ugh. I want to vomit at the mere thought of it. I'm twenty three years old.. You would think I was in my prime and fully prepared for this aspect of life. Indeed that's not the case. Since the "Big Break Up" my dating life...well has sucked.
I dated a friend first. I should have known how this was going to turn out. I clung to this kid like I was never going to see another male again. Ever. It was my first experience with a male companion other than the ex in five years. I was indeed lacking self confidence and just wanted to feel...well desired and sexy. I am happy to report that this little situation I put myself in taught me a valuable lesson in life- Never try and fill your own personal voids with someone else. No matter how great that person will be to you, if you're not fullfilling your own goals in life you will be miserable with, or without, all that attention. I was like a little fifteen year old girl. He was tall, dark, and handsome. He had a great personality. We were always laughing and the chemistry was hot. There was just this one thing. It seemed like a roller coaster ride between us. One week I wanted to hang out. The next week I didn't. Then he would take a turn with his mixed emotions. We would hang out for like two weeks at a time then two weeks without seeing each other. Finally I just gave up on the whole situation after I found myself upset a couple of times and questioning if I was good enough. Pshhh please I could slap myself for even going through that now. I also realized that we were way better friends than lovers and it was best to keep it that way.
After a few one hit wonders I found a boyfriend. Which lasted a whole two months. I won't even go into this but let's just say everything happens for a reason. So then I go into this I'm a single mother no one is ever going to want to be with me stage. I hated men. I was ready to give up. I fell into what I would call an acute state of depression. I'm not fond at the thought that someone doesn't think I'm good enough.
Then I started school. And it all started to come to me. First of all I'd like to say that I learned to accept rejection. People and situtions change and some...well most relationships that you go through in life will not last. Rejection should be taken as a golden opportunity to reflect upon yourself and your actions and for you to figure out what you can work on and what you refuse to change about yourself. So after I got over that stage I put on my game face and became quite the social butterfly at school. After a few study sessions and friendly dates I "got my groove back" :)
So now this brings me to my first real date since the last "boyfriend". I've known this young man since elementary school. We used to have class together. This guy eventually moved and we lost touch in high school. Then I went to New Orleans one weekend with the kid from the first paragraph and as I was turning a corner on Burbon Street we literally ran into each other. It was like a blast from the past and I was so pissed at myself for being so drunk and not being able to hold it together for a decent conversation. Time goes on and a whole year later we are at our five year class reunion and guess who decided to show up...as my luck would have it...with a date. So I kept it friendly and never looked back. Until I got a little message on my facebook wall that read "Hey do you remember that time we were in first grade and we read a whale book together. Because I do. ha." And then I thought "cha ching!" He may be a little interested. A couple of messages later we exchanged numbers and a couple of texts later we were headed to our first date. I was a hot mess for this date. I was so nervous I made my friend tag along as the third wheel. The shit we do for our friends. (I'd like to take a second to thank you Amanda for coming along.) This guy is in a Christian band and from what I gathered he was involved in church which makes me nervous and uncomfortable because I am quite the opposite. Another thing I was nervous about was that our first date was going see Love and Other Drugs, a movie about a girl who wants a bang buddy and nothing more. I was nervous about what I was going to wear, what he was going to think about me after seeing the movie, was he even going to like me...blah blah blah then I told myself to get it together! This is exactly why the last two situations didn't work out I was lacking confidence and not being true to myself. I pulled up to my date and he hops out his little car and immediately says "Congratulations you park like an ass" (which I did. I practically parked in two parking spots). And as soon as those lovely little words came out of his mouth I was releaved because 1. It made me laugh and 2. He was a smart ass...just like me. The movie was hilarious and although at times awkward because of all the nudity it was quite enjoyable. At the end of the night he walked me to my car and we embraced with a hug and a peck on the lips. I drove my happy little self home and thought about how nervous and doubtful I was before the date and realized that I have absolutely nothing to be worried about and how I should have all the confidence in the world. One day I will meet the "ying to my yang" and until then I'll roll with the punches, accept all the rejections, and learn to embrace the new journeys and the men that come along with it :) 
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